Love

How do we know our love is real? Is love at first sight possible? Can you grow love where there is none? Is love eternal?

Love is so powerful it’s talked, written, sung, ruminated, acted and dreamt about ; and then there’s that fine line between love and hate…why is it so fine? Have you ever felt so in love with your partner that you fear your heart will burst, only to find the very next day, you hate your partner’s insensitivity, obtuseness or sharp tongue? A strong emotion like love can bring out the very best in us, as well as the very worst. That can be confusing.

Why the fine line between love and hate? Let’s look at the physicality of emotion first. The line between love and hate can be reduced to the power of each emotion. The area of the brain largely in control of human emotions is the limbic system. The limbic system is made of myriad-connected neural pathways; like an electric emotional highway of neurons racing through our brain and body. Now take a moment to consider the emotions of love and hate. Both fire at the highest arousal factor. As such, when feelings of love or hate are triggered, they sail to the peak of our emotional measuring stick, making them seem very similar by way of intensity; one is maxed out in positivity and the other in negativity. This is how we sometimes love the people we hate, and hate the people we love.

Despite the torment of love and hate, humans seek love. Love brings us into unity, but is love eternal? From a metaphysical standpoint, love is eternal. You may have even been with your lover in past lives. When we think, speak or act on love, we are putting that love-energy out in the world. Scientifically speaking, energy cannot be destroyed; therefore, love is eternal. Those thoughts, words and actions that make up love-energy run deep. From the moment we are born, we are seeking connection to our mothers to grow and thrive. That connection of unity is love. From the time we begin to socialize, we are seeking connection to others for belonging and friendship. That connection of unity is love. From pubescence to adulthood, we are seeking connection to a sexual, love-relationship. Again, that connection of unity is love.

Some may find themselves in a situation where seeking is not possible, such as adoption, ostracization or arranged marriages. Can love be grown where there is none? Absolutely, yes. Where there is mutual interest to grow love, love will grow. We’ve established that love is a connection to unity. Tending those connections of unity can build love where there was none. Like a planted seed, love can be nurtured and grown. On the opposite end of the spectrum we have love at first sight. Is that true love? It certainly could be. That spark that draws you to another across a crowded room is just that, a spark. That spark is a seed, which can be nurtured and grown into love. A spark left to its own devises will fizzle out or catch something else on fire. Action is needed to turn a lusty spark into compatible love.

Finally, how do we know our love is real? Conflict in a relationship does not negate love. It’s how the conflict is handled, rather, that makes a person feel loved or unloved. When passionate conflicts are tempered with kindness, resolution and growth are possible. It may take 100 tries or outside help, but conflict does not negate love. In fact, conflict is the fertilizer that helps us learn and grow. It’s uncomfortable, painful and exhausting, but whether it’s from our love-relationship or elsewhere, conflict is a necessary part of life. When lovers persistently resolve conflict, both will benefit from mental and spiritual growth.

Love can be fleeting when it’s clouded by fantasy. Fantasy tells us love will solve our problems and patch our wounded hearts. In some ways, that may be true, but consider the things we may desperately want: sexual desire, financial security, emotional security, acceptance, position in life, power or fame. Placing those wants onto your partner is unfair, unrealistic and unwarranted. Furthermore, those expectations can breed resentments and throw a relationship off balance. Love is a connection to unity. In meditation, counseling or therapy, you can clear up confusion over whether or not your love is true. In the meantime, however, gather up the love and compassion you have for others, and give it freely…to them and to yourself.