Relationships
Relationships….why am I obsessed with them?
From my earliest memories, I recall watching how people relate to one another How they communicate, verbally or not. How they want, need and crave one another. How they can destroy, degrade and diminish one another. I’ve often thought how poignantly true the phrase, ‘there is a fine line between love and hate’, is. Even the relationship one has with oneself is complex and deep.I was a selective mute from toddlerhood until about 11 years of age. I didn’t even know there was a name for that condition until I was in my forties! I remember very well, however, choosing to be silent as a child. I remember the stubborn resolve I had to not participate in the world around me. Or, when forced, to be as contrary a participant as possible. Sulky, quiet, anxious and discontent. That was a large part of my demeanor. The inner world where I was alone, in my head, flexing my imagination was the world I preferred. In that world, I was buoyant, lithe, happy and free. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted people around me, just not engaging with me. And therein lies the complicated relationship I have with myself and others. Being a selective mute allowed me to observe others. In this quiet headspace is where I believe I developed my preoccupation to relationships. I was in my forties, at a yoga class, when I found this quiet headspace again; and where my metaphysical education began. That was 2010. I would spend the next 13 years devouring all things mystical, metaphysical and spiritual in an effort to make better sense of this world I shared with others.
Curiosity about relationships for myself and others came naturally. It’s not that my relationships were smooth and easy, oh, heck no, but my curiosity to resolve and understand conflict was relentless. As I grew and navigated relationships in love, family, work places and friendships, I recall feeling like my brain knew the steps to conflict resolution, but the practice was fleeting and elusive, especially in my most important relationships with my husband, parents or children. Conversely, as I grew and moved throughout my life in the roles of wife, mother, daughter, sister and colleague, there was a constant thread of people telling me about the issues in their lives and relationships. I found that not only did I want peaceful resolution for myself, but I also wanted to help others find the path to their own peaceful resolutions.
People naturally open up to me, and to my best ability, I’ve always listened and offered advice. After decades of trials and tribulations, triumphs and victories in my personal relationships, and thirteen years of metaphysical study, I find myself in the beautiful position to open myself to others.
